drooling from the right corner of my mouth, as i was looking out of the windows of the cyber library, through the beautiful beige sun shields put up there with the afternoon sun trying to get past them and reach us to create unfinished, abstract and somewhat beautiful shadows near the uninterrupted power supply box for the computers, at the tiny silhouette of the bird sitting on one of the branches of the huge neem tree right outside the window, i was thinking of one of my friends who by now, had become one of the prominet literary figures of young indian literature. he is my age, and somehow that is something my ma cannot seem to digest...she loves me and thinks i have the 'potential' to win awards nobody of my age has ever received. i was thinking about how lately, i have lost my touch...not the touch, but the 'touch' that transforms something mundane done by me into a miracle. not that it is not giving me some peace of mind. I was happy at, presently having no hopes from myself the unfulfillment of which would cause pain. Suddenly when i was basking in the happiness of being 'hopeless', i thought of the hundreds of students that studied here. i craned my neck to look at some of them who were sitting with their minds thinking of nothing else but what to write in the flat computer screen glowing in front of them, for the next term paper, the next research topic and the next seminar presentation. Working 25 hours a day, these students want to make a mark in the scholarly sky of JNU...some of them have political ambitions, some social and some intellectual. Take our president Sandeep. One of the most politically sound people I have met, who eats, drinks and breathes his brand of ideologies. One who sincerely, in the heart of heart believes that the world can be made rid of discrimation. he has hopes, for himself, for his people and for his ideologies...and he is happy that he is relentlessly working for them. take my friend pamir, he has hopes that he will find love before he turns 31 (that's what is the age that his kundali says when he will get married) and he is on the look out for it...take my room mate khadeeja, she hopes that she will read 5 books in one day and finish a term paper for one of the most kharoos teachers we have and impress him to get at least an A-...take the 199 students sitting in front of 199 hi-tech latest computers (the 200th being hijacked by me to write this) who have hopes of clearing this years UPSC, JPSC, RPSC, PCS or some other such examination with a CS in the end, researching, reading, writing and submitting their synopsis in 10 days and yet, manage to pass it and work online for some organisation or the other which pays them while doing their MA or m.phil at the same time. They all have hopes. hopes keep them going. a hope to reach that stage when hopes will not be very scary. when hopes, yours, your parents', your peers won't hound you every night in your dreams and leave you awake with their weight pressing mercilessly down on your chest. when i look at the faces of the 199 intent people bent on their computers, and am now trying to pretend that i am the 200th one doign the same, wiping the drool that has dried up by now...a hope silently creeps ininto my mind as well...probably, i can hope to be 'hopeless' a year or so from now, if i start working for that...probably i can prove myself once and for all and be done with it. not a bad idea. but that calls for a year of work and research and all that JNU students sitting in the library do and i don't. but yes, for a 'hopeless' fun filled and no holds barred life...it's worth taking the risk!
BRING IT ON!
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