Heroes are so important in anyone's life. Especially in a child's life. Every child some day or the other grows up to either change his heroes according to changing priorities, or realize that his heroes were not heroic enough, had flaws and sometimes, more painfully, have crashed. It is perfectly healthy and normal when children go through the first two phases, but the last is the most painful and unhappy time of any child's life. I have seen friends and cousins go through such phases, break down and undergo humongous personality changes. This article is for me to realize how fortunate I am to have uncrushed heroes and peace. It's a piece of thankfulness to Life, for making it possible.
Heroes make life so much easier for kids. When some think that they would be saved from falling skyscrapers by Spider Man, Super Man or Shaktiman, there are kids who imagine these superheroes as their mothers or fathers. A huge friend circle, a family of 8 uncles and 6 aunts and almost 30 cousins and most importantly, an experience of a short, but significant 21 years of my life tell me then super dads and super-mums crash, it hurts the most. There was a friend whose father was having an affair with another woman. When found out, she expected and wanted, more than anything, her mother to go all the way and file a divorce. But when the father apologized, the mother forgave giving the reason that a wife is never really complete without the husband and ‘daddy is really sorry beta’ as if being sorry could wash out the scar and ‘everything was well’, her heroes crashed. Her father was always the hero in her life, a man who was the perfect husband, father and man. And her mother was the epitome of liberation and emancipation, being self sufficient. To discover that the hero was a common ordinary man, prone to weaknesses and the heroine, a common ordinary woman unable to take a stance of her own devastated her. Being a recluse, she had only me as a friend and confided everything in me. When she maintained an ‘oh-i-am-so-happy-for-mum-and-dad’ attitude in front of a guilt stricken parents, I saw her break down. Life was the most difficult for her as she had to live two separate lives, one of which was an entire secret. She lost her old self, and most importantly, she lost her faith in the institutions of faith, marriage, love, respect and above all, parental heroism. It incident had a marked influence on her, especially when she found years later again that her father had never really apologized and the affair had gone on. Even though she felt agitated and anguished, betrayed and angry, she never had the courage to face another downfall. I never knew what she did about this, or her parents. She soon left the country to make a life of her own in
I never could decide who was in the wrong here. The father for engaging in liaisons, the mother for forgiving them, the daughter for believing that neither was possible, or more so, the entire cult that makes parents the holy cows of a child’s life that he/she has to, inevitably fall in love with. Many will argue, as those with whom I discussed the matter of parental heroism before sitting down to write this do, that humans have to be forgiven for mistakes, no matter how big; because it is only then , that life can go on. Grudges make life miserable, and after a revenge is complete, there is generally nothing to live for. That makes things more difficult. Human frailties are the reason why we are here today (remembering Eve).
But even after all the reasoning in favor of ‘forgiveness’ I can’t help but be sure that the man who said ‘to err is human and to forgive is divine’ must have been the greatest sinner of all times…seeking forgiveness for his entire race of wrong doers from another race which doesn’t have the guts enough to seek revenge, or at least, an explanation.
Oh! It’s all so complicated! I am not even sure where to take this article to, in whose favor. Seeing this, it makes me all the more thankful to God for giving me uncrushed heroes. My father is the ‘man’ anyone could long for, a hero, a problem solver, a warrior and my mother is the damsel-never-in-distress. I just hope, it remains such and I do not have to face the dilemma of forgiving anybody, ever…because probably, I never would. Whatever…
Thank you God for making my life uncomplicated and not giving me anyone to forgive.
Thank you God for giving me heroes that can be loved.
Thank you God for mum and dad.
Thank you God for Everything.
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