brain scan?

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that would be exactly how my brain would look right now if you took a 'blog-imprint' of it...

written in typical womanly frustration...no it is not pms...

it is so difficult to take airs from someone, right? specially when it is someone whom, in ordinary circumstances you won't even look at...let alone fight with?

awwwwwww...it just rips my nerves apart to do this...but i guess...stuff have to be done to survive in this world...

just an old memory...

i come from a college where every extra curricular activity was the topmost priority for the interested students, much to the displeasure of the teachers...and with the weapon of internal assessment (now what that is, is another story) the teachers threatened not to give us any attendence if we do not attend classes on the pretext of dance or music classes...

so, it so happened that the theatre group in the college was a bit over excited about their participation and probably their very existence...

now i had many friends in the group...lots of them...a few were seniors as well...

i was in the second year the time this memory happened. one of the members of the group who had passed out of college that year but was still very much in touch with her group mates, came to college... we were sitting in the auditorium at that time...me being a part of the group that year was involved in their practice sessions.

now this particular senior i am talking about walked into the auditorium like the leader of a female elephant herd walking into the water pool and the others making way for her...

so she walks in...its almost a year after which she walks inside the auditorium and feels the air...she takes a deep breath and expresses her desire to walk on the stage... we are just too happy to oblige...

we make way and she takes the coveted steps on the stage after almost a year and says...

'orgasmic'

someone standing beside me and watching the entire episode muttered in my ear, 'have i heard wrong? shouldn't it be nostalgic?'

i don't know, but her expression made me relate so much with her...
not the feeling ofcourse (come on, i was in a girls college and in my second year only!) but the way she expressed all the joy, the sorrow, the excitement, the pleasure, the pain in just one simple word...it summed up all the literature for me at that moment...

sushmita sen once said, 'if you are having sex, god bless you with an orgasm' ...probably the fact that women do not have too many of these made her understand and relate this emotion to what she felt at that moment...

too many orgasms here right? i hope my mum doesn't read this... he he...

relief...

relief...
it just sweeps over you, doesn't it?
or makes you leave yourself in its arms like the last time you did at the dance with the guy you had a crush on, doesn't it?
it just leaves you feeling phewwwwwwwww...
almost like the bliss after a night of love?
almost like after your first orgasm?
it just is so relaxing that everything else matters so freakin less...right?

i just felt all this at the same time today...

just appreciating something we seldom talk about...

relief...
thanks for coming to me...

and ma...

boyfriends couldn't care less...

ya, that's true...
no, it's definitely not..
these are my answers to the two questions that would pop into the minds of people who actually bother to read my blog... (i am not sure there are many, but i like to be optimistic)
it is true that i think like this and no, this is not another male bashing site of a disillusioned feminist just out of an english honors course in college...
it just says from my experience...
naaaaah...me have not been lucky enough to have many of them...boyfriends i mean...but somehow this very fact makes me a non-contender in the race of boyfriend collection, and thus, i have many friends who share there deepest and darkest secrets with me (it's not as bad as you think) and i am something of an agony aunt in some wierd magazine that is published by some wierd people and read by wierder ones.

an expert in relationships this makes me i am sure...
one thing i have seen everywhere, don't know whether this makes girls the whiny, complaining creatures that they are always made out to be or the boys, the ice cold personalities who care about nothing else but having an arm candy...
times have changed without a doubt with girls having their career as their first priority, family second...but the basic college going girl remains the same..
and there is a separate thrill about this entire thing that i feel in these relationships that makes them effervescent...
whatever!
what i was talking about was that probably guys do not care about what the girl's family thinks about him like the girls do...
it doesn't really matter to them...
what the heck..
i m not being able to put it the way i want to...
i hate when this happens
whatever...
i will pick this up sometime else...

old spot of gold...

its freakin hot here in delhi...
and all those who study in jnu or anywhere in the city, and who are originally from colder regions of the world will understand what i mean...
the road actually seems to be made of fire! you walk, you get scathed, you ride, you get scathed, you exist and you get scathed from head to toe in the heat...
in this heat, sippin' on a cold drink (it says orange on the label but has wierd taste that has nothing orangy about it except leaving you tongue looking like as if you just puked 2 litres of orange dye), i suddenly remembered what it was to actually taste a thanda...
the cold milk with a hint of rooh-afza, the nimbu paani ma made back in assam, the thandai with lots or kesar and other secret recipe stuff that mum never divulged in front of the neiborhood aunty...or even our very own goldspot!
ah...
how i remember the old cold drink....
it almost meant a treat when dad uttered the word almost 12 years back. cold drink meant gold spot and gold spot meant cold drink...guess it was only after a very long time that i learnt to say pepsi or coke or anything like that...for me, it was always goldspot, with the latest additions to the market it only became black goldspot...but goldspot it was...
i still love that drink...and just for the sake of nostalgia, the belief that the world stays as innocent as it was when i was a kid, the hope that i may return to childhood once again and find that old spot of gold that my sanctuary was, i would love to taste goldspot again..
just to cheer myself up, when i have a labrador retriever as a pet, i am gonna name it goldspot!

i am so freakin irritated with the 'can we have friendship?' 'can we friens???' ' do we have friendship' and other super stupid questions that i am forced to face in community sites...

without any warning...such question, hideously, atrociously and outrageously grammatically wrong jump at me from the computer screens at all times from the pc window...mornig, evening, noon, night..they leave no space to breathe...and that too when i am NOT drop dead material! gosh...people can go to lengths of desperation...

and i though community sites were meant to get in touch with ol' friends...

whatever...

it's almost as disgusting as someone pinging you 'hey, how are you' right in the middle of an important piece of work you might be doing...as if people take for granted that 'net pe hai to velli hi hogi'...

gimme a break...