song of the day 1

today, i start with my project 'song of the day'
every day, i will write about music that transcends everything, a song that strung a chord without a reason. maybe i will look for that reason, and maybe, that reason will lead me somewhere else.
there will be no boundaries of language, genre or performer.
i will listen to what my actions lead me to.

right now, my music is coming from a random guy, whistling down the street, a random tune i have never heard. yet it had strung a chord. it reminds me of times when i was free, with no other problem than having to wake up at 8 30 in the morning, in time for the 8 40 class. it reminds me of the corridors of my college hostel, where oblivious to the juniors lazing in their rooms and the seniors giving me the looks for my cheek, i would bang the door of my room open, shattering the serenity of a lazy january afternoor and walk out singing 'na na na naam tera mere, labo par aaya tha...', a cheesy hit number from the glorious 90s of Hindi cinema. the song had a beat that fitted perfectly with the pace i walked in, and it let me show up my high pitch too. and every time i sung it, i couldn't help but picture myself in the sexy yellow number raveena donned and akshay kumar drooled over. *sigh* good days...

so, thank you random guy with random tune on your lips... you reminded me of a time, a great time, when i had friends, when i was lazy, but not so lazy that i would forget the beauty of being luxuriously lazy, when everything was right with the world. maybe tomorrow, another song will remind me of something, for better or for worse.

M

julie, julia and airtel

i was watching Julie & Julia today... something that inspired me to take up my long forgotten blog and prod it to see if it was still alive... i hoped that the come back would be an example of some brilliant word play or an example of some kind of awesomeness that only Barney Stinson is capable of... but heck no... Airtel wouldn't let me have that glory...

i was preparing to write something no short of a revelation when my brother called to ask for a recharge... well, my mother hardly gives him enough to get by, so the poor thing comes to me for the smaller evils... like phone recharge, or an occasional tattoo... he called me again today for another recharge, a mere 50 bucks. i geared up, opened the airtel website and punched in the numbers of my credit card and the pin in order to get the recharge done... when the stupid, too big for its boots, false promise making, irritating capitalist Airtel website refused to show me the last step of the process... i repeated the process 3 times to no avail...

i was about to blame the slow internet in the JNU campus when the realisation that Airtel had been duping me ever since the beginning of the month struck me-
1. i had done a 28 bucks ka recharge to reduce the call rates of my connection to 1p/sec, which not-surprisingly-considering-Airtel_had-been-doing-the-same-fucking-stupid-routine-forever didn't get activated. they took my money alright, but didn't get the service started,
2. it has become IMPOSSIBLE to talk to their customer care when you want to ask them what do I do about that,
3. they have started charging, fucking charging for the customer care calls, as if we are responsible for the trouble in our cells and we havce to pay if we want that solved
4. they have started i don't know what fucking stupid services on my phone like gyan darshan, first they say its free and then they start charging me money from the next month! i didn't bloody want that stupid service!
5. they randomly deduct my balance in the name of some airtel live service, which my phone being a 2001 model of nokia does NOT have! and when i tell them, they give me dates and stuff... bloody how do i access airtel when i don't even have the compatible screen!
6. they are just bandits who have kept their sms pack rates at an 88 when other services provide better packs

i imagined myself to be venturing forth on a new journey on my blog, a literary, intelligent, probably even an intellectual journey after i finished Julie and Julia... little did i know that neither of them had such deterrents when they began their lives best works...and I, sadly, do.

screw you airtel.

inspiration II

when i openned my cupboard i had since i was 8,
in the smell of the old clothes folded with nepthalene balls since ages,
when i openned the windows of the room,
in the smell of the rain falling on the dust of the panes,
when i openned my books, no, ran my hands through them
in the smell of the flipping pages now yellowed with time,
when i openned the doors to walk through the rooms,
in the smell of the li'l moist walls and smile of the pictures they made,
when i openned my mouth to eat all that had been prepared in my honour
in the smell of the lemon, the bamboo shoot, the rice... the kitchen,
when i openned my arms and stood tiptoe on the roof
in all the river, the air, the roads, the soil and the grass that went in,
when i openned my heart to the sounds of them and more,
in all the invitations that cooed in my ear, in all the 'welcome backs' they said
when i openned my eyes to look at her sleeping with me engulfed
in the smell of her soap, her hair, her breath, her smiling sleep... in maa..
i found home... and i found inspiration...

inspiration 1

when hope was lost
and faith astray
when life was dead
and death in light's hay
when the smiles were gone
and tears ruled
when blessings were empty
and curses drooled
with black clouds above
when the sky was dark
when graves had opened
where the lightning had struck
when the sun had set
on all civilizaton
i found you and
found inspiration

i feel for both the soldiers...

Some days back, the Hindu reported the 'celebration' of the slaying of 76 CRPF soldiers in JNU. I read the piece and sat back staring at the ceiling for at least 15 minutes. i wondered, what is wrong with us? Us... not the JNU community, not the student community, not the men or the women... us, as in the human beings. why have we divided the world and shoved each of the halves forcefully behind a dividing line whose foundations run deeper in the psyche than in reality- the state and the people. where one wins, the other has to lose, there is no other way out... no peace for those who see this dividing line and want to bring it down. such people are termed 'neutral', 'devil's advocate' and sometimes even 'dead'. in these 15 minutes, i wondered- when did we evolve so much? so much that the thought of 'celebrating' the death of men on duty or even accusing someone of such an act became less hideous even in imagination than in reality? why do we forget that each man on duty has a family. and so does each of the naxalites, maoists or any of the insurgents fighting. are't they men on duty too? don't they have a cause too? why is their cause any lesser? or why is their death not 'shahadat'? aren't they both soldiers? am i wrong if i feel for both of them? when did we make our own personal Berlin's wall so high and mighty that we couldn't see or hear the pain of the thousands fighting everyday for something that is rightfully theirs- their land, their home, their wages, their families, the basic human right of security, tolerance and love, against people not very different from themselves? when and how did the barriers around our comfortable couches become so proof of the pain of the wife who's husband promised to come back for Bihu, only to be accompanied by his coffin? why have we become so numb that when we see her pain we refuse to see the one of the many in villages all over Jharkhand, West Bengal and Bihar where such stories happen every day? why is it so that we have to choose sides? why has human life so lost its meaning that it now belongs either to the 'state' or the 'people'? why can't i cry for the jawan who wrote in his diary about his undying love for his beloved and died the next day in a maoist attack and for the look in the eyes of the 14 year old girl who picks up the AK 47 to avenge her rape, murder of her father and the snatching of her family's land? why am i termed 'neutral' when i feel so strongly for both? doesn't life have any meaning? a meaning that transcends the barriers, the wall, the boundaries that us humans have created around it? and pray, tell me... when did death become a matter of celebration?

hold me close...

Hold me Close

hold me close...
let me see that smile of yours
hold me close
let me hear your heart beat
hold me close
for i want you to say my name
hold me close
for i want it to stay the same

let the world pass by
let us stand like this
in this moment sealed with love
with passion standing guard
and the heavens our witnesses above

hold me near, hold me tight
promise me that you will stand by my side
when hope is lost and me astray
when time is gone and life array
when the sunshine is gone and cold wind blows
promise me love,
you will hold me close!

november rain

and it rained
in november...
yesterday, no, yesternight...

when drunk with passion
wild with love
mad with hatred
driven by heavens above
you rode to kill me...
and yourself,
defying the world
and the god himself
yet you chose...
chose to save me
when lightning struck
and blood and love
both ran amok

standing under those trees
that loomed like guardians
or witnesses to the act
of such profound love
when you looked into these eyes and said
i love you more than my life...

it rained
it rained in november

for sachin- the god

dear sachin,
for twenty years you have carried the hopes of an entire nation on your shoulders. for twenty years you have been the ray of light in thunderous nights when all seemed lost for the country. for twenty years you have sacrificed your sleep, rest, peace, love life, wife, kids, family, in short, all the luxuries that an ordinary man can afford; to bring joy to the millions who swear by your name. for twenty years you have been close to a god, and though i am sure you don't like it, have been forced to bear the brunt of losses that were not even your mistakes. there are no words which can truly capture what you have done for this country and its people. there are no phrases that can truly sing your praises. as one of the millions who love you, pray for you, and want you to succeed (sometimes too selfishly) there is only one thing that i can say today, as you complete 20 years of service- thank you. for all the times when you raised the bat to us, when u looked at us and smiled, for all the times when you made us go insane and cry with joy, for all the times you took everything on your shoulders and saw us through... thank you. inadequate as it may sound, someone as small as me can only give you this much- my gratidude, for being Sachin Tendulkar, right hand batsman, India.

we love you sachin, we all do.

and for a change, today i wish you get the rest you truly deserve, even though that might mean a gap in the team never to be fulfilled by anyone in the centuries to come.

tied and torn

pulled between two
yours and theirs
expectations

dies a death
my desire, me
revelations

the red dragon
seers in me its ugly head
now alive now dead

shall i kill you
or myself
the goblin or the elf

nonsense you say
nonsense i say
nonsense it is
let it rule...

bang bang

1st jan 2009
another year
another month
another day
another blast...

5 dead
many injured
many all the more scared

i am scared too...
the bombs ripped through my state today
a place too scarily close to my father's office
almost a whisker's difference

someone might have not been that lucky

some daughter, some son
some family, some one...

it was my state today
tomorrow it might be yours
the day after, some other's

i am tired of this cycle now..
this cycle of fear
this cycle of hatred
the goosebumps that show up every time at the back of my neck when a bearded man passes by
the shiver that runs down my spine when every time someone wishes 'salaam waleikum'
and the guilt that follows each time...

release me..
release me like you did the pigeons in front of taj with each blast that that threatened to deafen my ears
release me like the blood that flowed from all my brethren's veins in gujrat, kandhmal, mumbai, malegaon, guwahati and all the names in the list of your plans
release me like the words that flow all too easily from the mouth of all those who say 'these acts are severely condemned'...

let me be free
let me just die.......